My Personal Experience of Unconditional Love
I was reminded of how our love will return a new, to rise again in this spectacular bright light.
The thought of you brought feelings of the melody, as it sang for you.
In fond anticipation of the day your presence unites our hearts in song." ~ Angie Mammoliti
Soon after these feelings and messages came pouring in, he began to distance himself. He then verbally told me that he needed space to go through something in his life that needed his attention and that we would have to be on pause while he experienced his life and sorted out what he felt was important to. I was initially very confused as to what was playing out. Why was this happening all of the sudden, especially at time where I felt the connection becoming stronger between us? How could he bail on us? What proceeded was some of the most deafening silence I have ever been through. I did not hear from him for several months. During that period, a whole slue of emotions and thoughts were felt. I questioned him, I questioned myself, and I questioned what we had. I thought to myself that he didn't care, for if he did I would hear from him.
What is unconditional love? It is often stated but how often is it really understood and felt? Unconditional love is the ability to love the other for the sheer fact of their existence, to love the other as the self, and to see the all in the other.
This love is universal and also applied to the individual once it is understood truly. This can be applied once we let go of the barriers of what we think should be and accept what it...the isness of the individual, the is of the situation. How can one tap into this love? Feel with every fibre of the being...whom and what you truly are...sit with it and feel it in all intensities. Grow to love that you that is the real you...your soul. Once you have an appreciation for the magnificence that is you, you are able to see that brilliance in others.
The preceding months are best described as torture, from the minds perspective. I felt the spectrum of emotions between unconditional love and egoistic emotions of the mind, like anger and hurt. These feelings were magnified for I am an empath as well, which means I ‘feel’ others emotions. There were days that I would feel absolutely fine and all of a sudden a wave of sadness would hit me. I recognized right away that it was not mine; I could energetically feel it was coming from another source. Then I would intuitively feel and see him in my minds eye, I was feeling his pain that he was feeling in that moment. These feelings would sadden me for not only was I ‘feeling bad’ that he was in pain, this pain would remind me of our connection and how we weren’t together. I felt if I was drowning in a bewildering stew of emotions and torture. I thought if this is unconditional love, you can have it, who in the right mind would want this? (Haha) I laugh lovingly at myself because I understand now it is not about ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ and its not about the mind…It’s a neutral peaceful state of unconditional love that is felt in the soul. It’s a love that even as I write these words brings me to tears for to feel it is a blessing. It is a genuine love that transcends this earthy plane for it is divine. It is us in our true nature. It is LOVE free of judgements, belief systems and attachments.
My heart had been guarded for years, protected behind a thick brick wall that I forged brick by brick. I suffered greatly through many incidents of pain, (From a minds perspective for all is an experience and the soul knows this truth). I thought in order to ‘protect myself’ I needed to block out love, keep everyone at a safe distance for, "Hey, if they get to close they are just going to hurt me like 'so and so'." I did what I thought was best for me at the time, and I apply no judgement to it for it was the consciousness I was playing with at the time. I played this tune like a victim soundtrack. I played this tune until I became that song. I hardened myself and became this role. I mistakenly thought this persona, this personality was the real me because all I knew was my experiences. I bought into the misguided belief that the experiences were who I actually was. I thought I was Angie: the strong, the one that didn’t allow men to hurt me. I dated, I had relationships and I had fun, however I was interacting from a guarded state. I now see that I was ‘being careful’ and not just BEING. I was allowing my past perceived hurts to dictate and interfere with my natural state of BEINGNESS in the present.
Fast forward to the recent present...this experience with this man has taught me the truth...to BE, we must remove these heart walls. We must be vulnerable, we must be naked to the truth...we are love. This truth originally terrified me. “You mean I am going to be vulnerable??? No thanks, I’ll play it safe behind my comfy wall of bricks,” said my ego. This is where being stubborn is a great trait, I refused to be guarded anymore and I decided to love him unconditionally, no matter what the conditions appeared to be, no matter if he was in my life or not, no matter if he was what I perceived ‘hurting’ me. I blasted my light and love on each brick until I could feel the fire that burns within my soul starting to melt one brick at a time.
So I'm unconditionally loving now…pack a suitcase because I have ascended into enlightenment right? Haha once again! For to unconditionally love as a human is a process. What proceeded was a journey I describe as a battle between my ego and my higher self. When I was centred, in my natural state and able to BE in that feeling of unconditional love, I was able to know the truth: That unconditional love was who we are and was something that through his beingness, he blessed me with his gift. I was loving him beyond all human conditions: beyond who I thought he was to me, beyond expectations of how I thought this relationship should look like (this was a good day…my higher self winning day) Then there were days where my ego would rage on, "How could he have abandoned me? He doesn’t deserve your love, he doesn’t even care about you. Angie you are delusional...it’s DONE!” When I think of that word ‘done’ I laugh. What does ‘done’ even mean in our natural state of unconditional love? For to truly love, it is never done for love is an eternal beingness that no matter what conditions play out in a relationship, it is never done. We are connected by a bond that is timeless. When I would throw up my hands in an attempt to give up on him and state “I'm Done!!” a dream, message, or vision of him would come through saying there was more of an adventure with him still to come. I questioned my sanity (as anyone who gets messages tells you) lol. I also questioned the validity and accuracy of the messages for everything on the physical world pointed to the fact that we were done. I wasn’t speaking to him, he hadn’t contact me. I thought to myself, “Angie be logical, he doesn’t care, you are acting like a delusional school girl, and it’s done.” Than BAM a message from my Guides (even when I didn’t ask for it) of him would come like clock work…further adding to the perceived torturness of the situation. As much as I cared for him, my ego wanted it to be done to stop the perceived pain for to be in this energetic ‘nothingness’ was a pain that I hadn’t experienced before, a hurt echoed in my soul.
Further messages came to me. What I was feeling was being separate from my twin flame/twin soul. It is basically a soul dividing into two separate individuals, two halves of the same soul. Usually this union, when it is reunited on the physical plane is not easy because of the intensities of emotions that are felt. Also, being of the same soul, you can ‘feel’ one another when you are open to it because you are the same soul. These feelings sometimes cause one to run from the situation because it is hard to bear the feelings of the other, especially when the one that is ‘running’ is going through their own hurts in their life. The partner mirrors to them aspects of themselves that are hard for them to face so they feel overwhelmed (usually unconscious that this is even occurring) and sometimes run. This is momentarily however because whatever plays out on the physical level, in the spirit souls reunite as one.
It has been a bumpy road full of emotions, and tests of my spirit to really understand, beyond the mind level, what unconditional love and to feel it no matter what the conditions. The tug of war between my ego and the tender guidance of the higher self continues. He and I have spoken and seen each other again, and then lapsed into periods of non contact, and then speaking to one another again. I have decided to be as much as I can consciously be in unconditional love with him. I love him for who he is, his true nature, for the blessing of this gift he has brought me, for the essence of his being. I truly see his soul for the beautiful tenderness that it IS. I see beyond these conditions of not being together with him right now and LOVE him beyond expectations. I see him, his real authentic self, his higher self. I intuitively feel that we will be together when our souls are aligned in this lifetime. In the meantime, before our union once again, I love regardless of the situations, beyond conditions, and beyond expectations. This is unconditional love, and for this lesson, I am grateful.
Eureka, I it's Enlightenment time now...I figured it out :P The truth is, it is a process for as I sit here now pretty much brickless, open, vulnerable, and loving, I am still a bit afraid. I still fear at times because the mind still perceives pain, he is missed and that causes hurt. I still feel his pain; I still feel the separation of not being together right now in a relational sense. Now I choose compassion and love for him regardless of who and what role he plays in my life. What I now do is shift my perspective to the truth…I shift my energy and attention to unconditional love. I continue to blast love and healing light to my heart walls and his bricks around his, in order to melt the pain that has accumulated by expectations and past experiences. I blast the love so we can both be walless, in our true unconditional loving state, until the moment when we are both ready to return to our souls in union in this lifetime: from two halves to one.
May you all remember our unconditional loving state.
May my soul touch yours in our true unified brilliance.